i'd like to take this short moment to update a little bit. well, i got a job at check-n-go... hopefully that won't last long. i applied to the middletown city school district, so hopefully something will arise from it. i do think i want to pursue some kind of education 'career...' although, i don't like the term 'career.' i didn't even think about applying for financial aid and everything, so maybe i do have the opportunities to start over again. working in the school systems would be a great job, i think. i want to make an impact in this world, especially when it comes to youth. and being in the schools is a great way to start!

it's been about a year since i posted last... no computer at home will do that to ya. since then, my parents have gotten divorced (just today, actually), i've been to peru, quit my jobs, and have been out of work on several occasions for illness. wow. yet, God is still amazing and Jesus has proven Himself to me time and time again. Awesome.

things are so rough with family right. mostly my dad. it's hard to understand him and what he's going through and i have no idea what to do about it. how do i act with him, what do i need to be for him? i have no idea. he's leaving tomorrow for rehab and counseling in illinois and our last night together for awhile he drinks. what in the world do i do? it hurts to see him hurting so bad and hurts even more that i can't do anything about it.

these really made me laugh out loud!

www.marriedtothesea.com

want a glimpse as to who i am?

http://typelogic.com/isfj.html

there ya go.

So, i don't understand this whole dating/guy thing.
1. It's been so long since I've actually been in a "dating" situation I have no idea what to do or how to act. I'll either overreact or completely disregard what's going on and ruin the opportunity either way. Where do I draw the line?
2. I hate the whole dating thing. Going from guy to guy, looking for the one I want to spend my life with and start a family with. So, I'm basically going into it with bad feelings.
I'm single and I hate it. I know I don't NEED a guy to fulfill my life, I know this. It's the whole idea of wanting to serve God to my fullest capacity and that's the way I know I'll be at my best. What do I do till then?
And when someone says they like you and what-not, what is it that suddenly makes them not want to talk to you anymore? I mean, seriously. Guys, communicate. It's that easy. COMMUNICATE. Things would be so much better and you would be such a better man if you would just communicate what's going on in your head. Things would get worked out sooner and the relationship would be much for fulfilling. thanks.

yeah, i'm acting like i'm 12 yrs old. i don't care.

i want love.

that's it. what it all comes down to. i want love. to be loved and to love with my whole being. i have yearned for that for so long. i think i may expect too much from potentials, but i think i deserve what i'm asking for. to have the sacrificial love, that we are supposed to have for each other, returned to me. women need to know that they are worth it. i need to know that i am worth it. i don't think i'm an unnattractive person. i understand i don't physically look like the girls that every guy wants with the nice sculpted face, long straight hair with the side bangs and shirtbelts,... i wear jeans and a t-shirt, have short short hair, and have large facial features... this makes me wonder sometimes. i've had one person my whole life (meaning, one man other than my dad) tell me that's what they liked about me... well, who the heck else thinks that??? obviously no one. haha.. anyway, that's not where i wanted to go with this. i just want that love. that deep, adoring, wanting and willing to do everything and anything for that other person. that's what i want. regardless of what i do and who i am or who i may turn into... i want that. i am that for him. for the man that will have me. for the husband i am anxiously waiting and praying for.

I speak to these people, and I speak to you because I cannot help it. It gives me strength, almost unbelievable strength, to know that you are there. I covet your eyes, your ears, the collapsible space between us. How blessed are we to have each other? I am alive and you are alive so we must fill the air with our words. I will fill today, tomorrow, every day until I am taken back to God. I will tell stories to people who will listen and to people who don't want to listen, to people who seek me out and to those who run. All the while I will know that you are there. How can I pretend that you do not exist? It would be almost as impossible as you pretending that I do not exist.

What is the What

Wow. I finally finished this book last night. I love reading, but it always takes forever for me to finish a book! But isn't this amazing??? This particular section is right at the end of the book. This is how it is finished. It left me speechless. Valentino Achak Deng, the "author," is a refugee from southern Sudan... an amazing story. Throughout the book he goes back and forth from his current situation to past memories. It's awesome.

The last two lines of that book, "How can I pretend that you do not exist? It would be almost as impossible as you pretending that I do not exist." Have had an effect on me. How can we pretend that people and their situations do not exist? How can we blatantly ignore the homeless on our corner, those that are hurting from deep emotional problems; how can we ignore? We stay in our little bubble... for some it's our "Christian bubble" for others our "Bubble of Comfort." It's so nice and comfy in our own little world when we don't have to worry about other people's problems. But we were asked to carry each others' burdens, to help those who need it, to not be selfish with our life... because it's not ours. We should live for the One who gave us this life. To do those things that He has set for us to do. To be with the poor, the broken-hearted, the hopeless and dying. To be the encouragement and bringer of hope and life.

did you know this?

I was feeling pretty good

For I finally understood

How to be free, free, free, free

Like the boats, like the birds

Like the wind in the trees

So I went out on a limb

Thinking maybe we could swim

Into the river of light

Into the ocean of pain

Where angels get the wings

Where babies get the names

I wonder if you are aware

How much you rock my boat

I wonder if you are aware

How much you rock my boat

I wonder if you are aware

How much you rock my boat

You rock my boat

dntel

featuring mia doi todd